No, not from Jersey Shore, the situation going on here. I have lost use of the laptop for an undetermined amount of time. To tide y'all over for the time being, have this.
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO-TOAD!
Ew. Valentine's Day. Featuring Jessi and Old People.
I hate Valentine's day. Not just because I'm single. Just had to say that.
I know I just posted on Saturday, but I had to share this.
Old People
By Taylor and Jessi.
Edited for grammar and spelling, since we texted the whole thing.
(After a long chat about cackley grandpas)
T: Why are people letting you into retirement homes?
J: My great-grandma was living there.
T: You shouldn't be allowed around old people.
J: Why would I want to be around old people? They stink.
T: Not all of them.
J: I wanted to put them in a garbage bag. But I couldn't, so I just sprayed them with Febreeze.
T: You sprayed old people with Febreeze?
J: Yeah. The whole place smelled better.
T: OK then. Never visiting old people with you. Ever.
J: Why? Unless you're an old person, you have nothing to worry about.
T: Except the cops.
J: Security was laughing. Why do old people need security?
T: In case they run away. Would you like it if someone lost your old person?
J: I would sue if someone lost my old person.
T: And that's why they need security.
J: But why do they need buff guys? Kirbie could stop an old person.
[Side note: Kirbie is about 4 feet tall and weighs 80 pounds.]
T: Not an old person with... A BLACK BELT!
J: What old person has a black belt?
T: STOP KILLING MY HAPPINESS!
Aren't my friends awesome?
Love and zombies,
Me.
I know I just posted on Saturday, but I had to share this.
Old People
By Taylor and Jessi.
Edited for grammar and spelling, since we texted the whole thing.
(After a long chat about cackley grandpas)
T: Why are people letting you into retirement homes?
J: My great-grandma was living there.
T: You shouldn't be allowed around old people.
J: Why would I want to be around old people? They stink.
T: Not all of them.
J: I wanted to put them in a garbage bag. But I couldn't, so I just sprayed them with Febreeze.
T: You sprayed old people with Febreeze?
J: Yeah. The whole place smelled better.
T: OK then. Never visiting old people with you. Ever.
J: Why? Unless you're an old person, you have nothing to worry about.
T: Except the cops.
J: Security was laughing. Why do old people need security?
T: In case they run away. Would you like it if someone lost your old person?
J: I would sue if someone lost my old person.
T: And that's why they need security.
J: But why do they need buff guys? Kirbie could stop an old person.
[Side note: Kirbie is about 4 feet tall and weighs 80 pounds.]
T: Not an old person with... A BLACK BELT!
J: What old person has a black belt?
T: STOP KILLING MY HAPPINESS!
Aren't my friends awesome?
Love and zombies,
Me.
Mr. Lang
My Language Arts teacher is a weirdo. Even more than me, and that's saying something.
In Enrichment on Thursday, he brought his class into the library where we were working on our projects. My friend who was sitting next to me asked him to name some board games, which got us to the subject of Hungry Hungry Hippos. He called it "a game which is not a game, but an excuse to make the loudest noise possible while whaling on a hippo." This brought up the subject of how awesome a song called Whale on a Hippo would be. I asked him if he would be in a band called The Lamington Experience, and he said, "Only if Whale on a Hippo is our first single."
So far, here's the running joke standings:
Band name: The Lamington Experience.
First single: Whale on a Hippo.
First album: Please Don't Smell Me.
(In reference to when Istvan walked in after me. Mr Lang smelled Pez, walked over to sniff Istvan, then started walking over to me. I said, "Please don't smell me," and he said, "That's our first album!" But we have to say please. If we aren't polite, no one's going to buy that album.)
Seriously. Weirdo. Yesterday he came running through the door, stared at me and my friend (who were attempting to leave school) and said, "TaLang. Think about it." then walked away.
Recovering,
Me
In Enrichment on Thursday, he brought his class into the library where we were working on our projects. My friend who was sitting next to me asked him to name some board games, which got us to the subject of Hungry Hungry Hippos. He called it "a game which is not a game, but an excuse to make the loudest noise possible while whaling on a hippo." This brought up the subject of how awesome a song called Whale on a Hippo would be. I asked him if he would be in a band called The Lamington Experience, and he said, "Only if Whale on a Hippo is our first single."
So far, here's the running joke standings:
Band name: The Lamington Experience.
First single: Whale on a Hippo.
First album: Please Don't Smell Me.
(In reference to when Istvan walked in after me. Mr Lang smelled Pez, walked over to sniff Istvan, then started walking over to me. I said, "Please don't smell me," and he said, "That's our first album!" But we have to say please. If we aren't polite, no one's going to buy that album.)
Seriously. Weirdo. Yesterday he came running through the door, stared at me and my friend (who were attempting to leave school) and said, "TaLang. Think about it." then walked away.
Recovering,
Me
So A Duck And A Beaver Are Playing Tennis...
I would have LOVED to hear this punchline. I would have been the fictional duck, because I am Luis's duck. Don't ask.
I have good news and bad news. It's only going to make sense if I give you the good news first.
THE GOOD NEWS: I finally found another Slytherin!
THE BAD NEWS: It's Chris.
Many of you (4) frequent readers already know who he is, but let me give you a background of him (and the other freaks who surround me 5 days a week).
Let's start with Chris. Met him in first grade. He became more and more increasingly annoying over these past 7 years. My grandma has some weird crush on him. Is a Slytherin.
Faccin's turn. Fifth grade. Has a first name (Jacob), but everyone (except Evan) just calls him Faccin. My probable future brother-in-law, as his brother and Lindsay are the same age and inseparable.
Maeve...Sixth grade. Has a blog, which I frequently read. Our "daughters" are Cassie and Sarah. I love this chick to death and back. Is a Ravenclaw. I think.
Sarah. also has a blog, but I link to it so frequently that you can just go click anywhere else. Is also a Ravenclaw. I think. My elder "daughter."
I have good news and bad news. It's only going to make sense if I give you the good news first.
THE GOOD NEWS: I finally found another Slytherin!
THE BAD NEWS: It's Chris.
Many of you (4) frequent readers already know who he is, but let me give you a background of him (and the other freaks who surround me 5 days a week).
Let's start with Chris. Met him in first grade. He became more and more increasingly annoying over these past 7 years. My grandma has some weird crush on him. Is a Slytherin.
Faccin's turn. Fifth grade. Has a first name (Jacob), but everyone (except Evan) just calls him Faccin. My probable future brother-in-law, as his brother and Lindsay are the same age and inseparable.
Maeve...Sixth grade. Has a blog, which I frequently read. Our "daughters" are Cassie and Sarah. I love this chick to death and back. Is a Ravenclaw. I think.
Sarah. also has a blog, but I link to it so frequently that you can just go click anywhere else. Is also a Ravenclaw. I think. My elder "daughter."
Evan. Kindergarten. Long way back. Has a twin brother named Quientin. Has a hat that he left on the bus once and the next day, I threw it at him. I'm just that awesome.
Quientin. Second grade. Evan's twin brother. Has a snail obsession. Crazy smart, but also crazy annoying. No offense.
Cassie. Seventh grade. My younger "daughter." Has a new baby sister.
Connor. Not sure how long. First grade, maybe? Apparently knows everything about baseball. Is in all of my classes besides 1st and 2nd period at school.
Jessi. First grade. Has 6 siblings (4 brothers, 2 sisters). Has a dead spider named Fluffy.
Those are the crazy wackjobs that are like sisters, daughters, and brothers to me. However, I feel like I have to tell you about Mr. Lang, too. Best LA teacher EVAH. Reads like crazy. Has a tongue piercing. Traumatized Olivia. And Jessi. And everyone else in my LA class. Possibly insane. Make that probably. No, definitely.
So, gLee is back! Any time Darren just starts to sing, I lose it. I just freak out. I have a special fondness for the Warbler's GAP Attack. HE HAD THE TRADEMARK DARREN'S PINK SUNGLASSES, GUYS! I screamed. A bunch. He needs to just get in a relationship with Kurt, already.
Byeas for now,
Me.
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